A week later

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No progress in finding a woman to share my moments with but at the same time, it feels good to know who I am and feel good about it. At my age there is no one in my family or friends who would take this news well so it will remain my secret and possibly shared with a woman who can love me.

In the meantime, I live my life day to day as I always have but with the knowledge that I am more honest with myself and able to look in the mirror and know who is looking back. Did you ever wonder who that person in the mirror was? Did you ever question if that person was someone you knew or just a reflection of a stranger? Mine was always a stranger with a familiar look.

When I was 9, I had a crush on a girl who was the daughter of a friend of the family. I used to try to hug her and kiss her and she would push me away (she was about 14) and I couldn’t understand why. Then when I was 14 my best friend and I were laying on my bed talking and I reached over and touched her “there” and began to rub gently. I told her she was going to like this. We kissed. I was in heaven! Then she had an explosive orgasm (her first ever) and she yelled loudly. I wanted to comfort her and hold her but she told me that wasn’t good. She said she didn’t like that feeling. I tried to kiss her again but she wouldn’t. I loved her. But we went back to being just regular friends and I never got to make love to her again. It was magic for me, but not for her. I have always wondered if she ever had an orgasm like that one again. She married and had 4 kids but I know that doesn’t mean she ever had another orgasm. I never had one when I was married. I’ve only had 2 during sex with women and the rest of the time I have masturbated to be satisfied.

Women are so beautiful. All of them. I’ve quit hiding my glances. Now if I see cleavage that turns me on, I LOOK! Yesterday, the checkout girl in the grocery store had my attention. Besides being cute, she had breasts¬†¬† that made me stare! I knew it would be best if I just paid and got out of there so I did. But, whew! I thought about that all the way home…what if I had flirted with her? Was she a lesbian too? We don’t wear signs most of the time, you know. Maybe next week when I go again I can try to flirt a little. Mmmmmm, she was cute…

I’m a lesbian. Oh yeah!

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