Today is another one of those days that I can’t get that fantasy lover out of my head. I’ve been so hot and bothered all day that it’s all I think about. I usually can take care of it and it doesn’t come back for a week or two but no matter how good that masturbation was yesterday… I’m back to the same problem today. I’ll run out of batteries at this rate!
There are only a few solutions to this. I can continue to masturbate until I wear out my toys. I can search for casual sex online. I can search for a permanent committed relationship online. Marrying her would be ideal at this point. I am beginning to think I want a wife. Someone I can hold every night and be committed to for a lifetime. I know my life would have been enormously better if I hadn’t married 3 men and instead married the one woman to share my life, my emotions and my body. I should have had a wife. I wish I had found a wife. Unfortunately it’s so much easier to find a man my age than it is to find a beautiful woman soulmate to share the rest of my life.
Ramblings of a very horny lesbian today…If I don’t run out of batteries, I’ll take care of this. I still wish I had the love of my life in my bed. She’s out there somewhere wishing the same thing. I love you wherever you are and my body aches for you. When I find you, you’ll be my wife.
Just a couple of passing thoughts as I wake up this morning with more than just a little lustful mood. I think my coffee woke up more than my brain today.
Have you ever woke up so turned on that you knew if you only had that special woman there beside you that you could make hot passionate love till sunset? That’s me this morning. It’s as though someone has been kissing me on the neck and tracing their fingers lightly over every erogenous zone on my body. I think my body is trying to tell me to find a nice woman who is in the same mood and do something about this!
Of course I know how this will end. I’ll look at every breast that crosses my path today including my own. I’ll fantasize. I’ll try to get the courage to make a pass at a sexy woman. And what it will all come to in the end is about 2 hours of fantasizing, teasing my body and finally giving in to a nice dildo to get that body shaking orgasm that’s trying to get out today.
I know I’m 66. I shouldn’t have such strong sexual urges. But I do. Today may be stronger than most but I crave a woman’s body every morning. The only difference between today and other days is that I can’t stop thinking about it and just go on with my day. Until I satisfy the urge I won’t be able to accomplish anything else.
I need to go take care of this right now. It’s going to be a very pleasant couple of hours getting to the final moment when I scream into that pillow and feel that sweet release. This is when I miss having the love of a woman to hold and share my passion. My love, I wish you were here but I hope you’re having the same craving for me right now. Where are those extra batteries?? Gotta go now…
I woke up this morning and with my eyes still closed, rolled over to hold her and smell her hair. But she wasn’t there. She never has been. She’s just a figment of my imagination even though I know I love her with all my heart. She’s that special woman that has been waiting for me all of my life. I just haven’t found her yet.
I ache some nights as I lay in the dark thinking of what I’m missing. The nights wasted for all these years when we could have been enjoying our lives together and making love all night till the sun peeked in the window. All the years of tender kisses, soft touches, passionate lovemaking, laying in each other’s arms as we drifted off to sleep. I miss her. I miss her every day and every night. Where is she? Will I find her in time? Will we ever tell each other how much we love? Will she smile when I tell her she is the love of my life?
This morning I wanted to hold her close, slowly rousing her passion and then both enjoy being lost in each other as we reached that moment when we would moan and say the same thing, “I love you so much!” I want to say it. I want to hear it. I want to feel it.
Casual sex isn’t below my moral standards but it just doesn’t have the same fulfilling feeling. Of course it could end up that a casual night could be the one that I’ve been searching for and we finally managed to meet. But I think I’m going to keep looking for my love and if I never find her, I’ll still have said I love you every night when I closed my eyes. She just didn’t hear me. I can hear her saying it to me anyway.
I spend a lot of time thinking about finding a woman to love. One of the things that I wonder about is if I am too old to bother with it.
I don’t consider myself old but I do consider myself too old to be making such radical changes in my lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not about to date a man to make myself fit in. I’m done with that. Men hold no appeal and to be honest, sometimes I even find it hard to be civil with them. Just some long-harbored animosity over treatment in general over the years and not fair really. I know that. But I just feel that finding a woman in this redneck, hetero, straight-laced part of the country is probably not going to be worth the effort I would need to put forth. Now if a woman happened to make a pass at me? Oh, baby! I’d be happy to give her a chance to be the one.
I realize age is just a number but there is also a point in your life where you need to relax, enjoy life and quit worrying about whether you will fulfill all the things on your bucket list. My number one is of course, finding my love. That just may be one of the things that never gets crossed off. I still marvel at the fact that I’ve admitted being a lesbian to myself. I’ve faced who I am and I like her. She’s a much better lesbian than she was a hetero girl! This girl who was hiding inside me all my life is finally out enjoying the sunshine…at least privately. I enjoy the thrill of being near cute girls, the butterflies when I find one sexy and the enjoyment of being with a girl that I am attracted to (even though she doesn’t know it). I wouldn’t allow myself those feelings in the past. I fought it. I kept telling myself I was just bi at the most. That was a lie to myself. Men have never been able to turn me on. I just let them think they did. I thought I had a hormone imbalance…why wasn’t I enjoying this like my friends said they did?
Now that I feel like a lesbian, think like a lesbian and have desires like a lesbian, I may have all I need to make my life okay from now on. Just knowing who I am is really more satisfying than you think. But I would love to give a sexy woman just one passionate kiss as I held her close to me…just once before I die. Ah the bucket list…
Can you imagine that kiss? Can you imagine the emotions? Can you feel the longing? Look at those women so in love just like I want to be. I’ve always wanted to have a kiss as erotic and passionate as the one in that picture. But I don’t know how to fall in love as a lesbian. I don’t know how to find a woman who wants me. I don’t know how to date a woman. I know how to make love to her if I find her but then how do I find her? I’ve always thought the most erotic and sexy thing with a woman was a kiss.
That’s why all of my posts have pictures of women kissing . It shows love and passion and caring and tenderness all in one photo and it turns me on almost more than anything else can. Making love to another woman will be easy because it will come from my heart. I just don’t know how to find her and I’m always afraid to try in case the woman I’m attracted to isn’t attracted to me. Or worse yet, that she is straight and horrified at my sincere expression of affection. I guess I would like someone to tell me how to find a woman who wants another woman, another old lesbian like me who wants the touch of another and to fall in love.
I think this would have been easier if I had acknowledged being a lesbian when I was younger. The lesbian dating sites are full of women in their 20s and 30s who are free to tell the world that they’re lesbian and that they love other women. But I’m from the good old days when being a lesbian was something you needed to hide and now I can’t tell anyone. So how do you find another lesbian my age who is living in the closet like I am? I know there must be hundreds of women my age within 20 miles of me who dream of being with a woman but they don’t advertise. They fantasize like I do and are probably wondering the same thing… How can you find another woman? In fact, I bet at least one or two women in my close circle of friends are lesbians who have not come out of the closet. But do I want to risk their friendship to attempt to ask one of them for a date? What would happen if I tried to kiss her when we were alone? One in particular attracts me. Her personality, her body, her scent…what if?????
Until I get enough courage to make a pass at someone who attracts me I suppose I’ll be a lesbian living alone and continuing my fantasies. But at least now I admit I’m a lesbian and that was the best gift to be honest with myself. Only a woman’s kiss will make me want to fall in love. Whoever you are, I love you and I’ve wanted you all my life.
Over a cup of coffee and a computer screen, I sit here reflecting on my decisions. I was standing at the bathroom sink looking at my reflection earlier and saying out loud, “You can finally say it even if no one else can hear it – I’M A LESBIAN!!” I feel good admitting it to myself every morning. I feel good knowing that loving women is the way I was always supposed to be. But that made me think deeper.
What makes me love a woman? Why am I turned on when I see a curvy cute blonde? What is it about the sight of breasts (since I have 2 very nice ones of my own) that makes me have butterflies inside? The stock answer for why male/female attraction works is pheromones. Is that what makes a woman so attractive to me? Why would my olfactory senses be attracted to another woman’s pheromones? Other women aren’t necessarily attracted to women. If you have the answer for me I’d love to hear it. I’m sure it’s more than pheromones.
Maybe it’s nurture and nature combined. The only naked body I saw before I was 19 were women. And I always stared…embarrassingly stared. I was infatuated with women’s breasts and still am. I love to browse through men’s magazines and look at the women who have beautiful firm breasts thrust toward the camera. And that brings in the nature part. What attracted me in the first place? It must have been a lesbian eye that looked at those first beautiful breasts when I was a small child. Most other women don’t grow up loving women because they saw naked breasts. I was attracted from the very start and it’s the first thing I notice when I meet a woman. You know the old saying, “My eyes are up HERE!”
So I shall ponder all day whether I was lesbian from the day I first breathed or it was a learned habit that I enjoy. Maybe both. In the meantime, it’s good to be lesbian…so good.
No progress in finding a woman to share my moments with but at the same time, it feels good to know who I am and feel good about it. At my age there is no one in my family or friends who would take this news well so it will remain my secret and possibly shared with a woman who can love me.
In the meantime, I live my life day to day as I always have but with the knowledge that I am more honest with myself and able to look in the mirror and know who is looking back. Did you ever wonder who that person in the mirror was? Did you ever question if that person was someone you knew or just a reflection of a stranger? Mine was always a stranger with a familiar look.
When I was 9, I had a crush on a girl who was the daughter of a friend of the family. I used to try to hug her and kiss her and she would push me away (she was about 14) and I couldn’t understand why. Then when I was 14 my best friend and I were laying on my bed talking and I reached over and touched her “there” and began to rub gently. I told her she was going to like this. We kissed. I was in heaven! Then she had an explosive orgasm (her first ever) and she yelled loudly. I wanted to comfort her and hold her but she told me that wasn’t good. She said she didn’t like that feeling. I tried to kiss her again but she wouldn’t. I loved her. But we went back to being just regular friends and I never got to make love to her again. It was magic for me, but not for her. I have always wondered if she ever had an orgasm like that one again. She married and had 4 kids but I know that doesn’t mean she ever had another orgasm. I never had one when I was married. I’ve only had 2 during sex with women and the rest of the time I have masturbated to be satisfied.
Women are so beautiful. All of them. I’ve quit hiding my glances. Now if I see cleavage that turns me on, I LOOK! Yesterday, the checkout girl in the grocery store had my attention. Besides being cute, she had breasts that made me stare! I knew it would be best if I just paid and got out of there so I did. But, whew! I thought about that all the way home…what if I had flirted with her? Was she a lesbian too? We don’t wear signs most of the time, you know. Maybe next week when I go again I can try to flirt a little. Mmmmmm, she was cute…
I’m a lesbian. Oh yeah!